GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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