This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Found the puke drawer
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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