So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
