i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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