R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
