shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
