there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
