I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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