Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
