I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My cat gives me a boner
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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