Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you would pick up someone in the library
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize