I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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