Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
