she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
