ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
