i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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