mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
