I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
