i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
