She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
