this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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