so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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