I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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