i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
