You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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