There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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