Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
