Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
