Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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