I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She's the barista slut.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
