I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
