They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
