Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you told grandpa to call you daddy
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
