That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
