wanna go halves on a baby?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
