If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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