I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
