I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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