i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
