omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
