She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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