i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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