You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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