Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
