when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
