And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
