She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
