Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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