I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
