yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
