I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize