Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
