I showed him my bush... on skype.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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