I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
