i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
