Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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