you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
