I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
