Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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