go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
