My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
