So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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