So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
