Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
