I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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