You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
