i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize