I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
