how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
