and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
