My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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