I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
