That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
