White coat. Heels.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
